Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
