Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
