Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
