your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
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Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
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I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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