May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
