once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
