I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
