Your face is a jimmy john
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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