Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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