My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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