New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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