Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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