is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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