Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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