Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
