He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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