At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
