He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
