This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
