Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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