I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
