my phone needs a breathalizer
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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