I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
