I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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