my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
