My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
