I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
