dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
