dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
