yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
