for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
