His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
