why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
