i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
