Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
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Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It's no shave November. This is our time.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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