Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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