i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
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It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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