just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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