So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's blow job season.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
