Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
