i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
