a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
