i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
