My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
