I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
