Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
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you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
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I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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