I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
