her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
