What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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