and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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