he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
