My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
