when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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