Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry phillyprincess hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(804): View more from Virginia

Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?

Fav 39 2145 7435
share tweet
(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.

Fav 2 5185 1336
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(607): View more from New York

im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.

(607): View more from New York

way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses

Fav 10 5036 1569
share tweet
(713): View more from Texas

That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.

Fav 8 2612 1214
share tweet
(612): View more from Minnesota

I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.

Fav 5 1699 1639
share tweet
(248): View more from Michigan

We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.

Fav 6 2083 792
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(+61): View more from Australia

Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday

Fav 5 812 1067
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(218): View more from Minnesota

Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?

Fav 5 349 260
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(973): View more from New Jersey

All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.

Fav 0 15 32
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT