so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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