Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
