guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
