Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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