I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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