Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
