it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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