Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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