I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I don't deserve a penis
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
