I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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