Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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