did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
