I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
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We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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