I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
