He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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