Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
