She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
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