here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
