I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
