Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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