You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
