just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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