Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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