Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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