Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
