Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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