We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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