Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
