My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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