So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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