Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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