My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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