Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
