I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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